Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Umor negru englezesc

1. "Mama, Jeff is homosexual!"
"How can you claim this?"
"His cock tastes like shit!"

2.All children have to write an essay about the fire that took place in the village the day before. Little Steven writes: "The house of my uncle burned, too. However, the cattle could be saved!"

3.Doctor: "I have a good and a bad message for you!"
Patient: "Then tell me the good one first!"
Doctor: "An illness will be named after you soon!"

4.What do cannibals do with doctors?

They make hot docs.

5.What is the advantage if someone has Alzheimer?

He gets to know new people all the time.

6.A medical student has to demonstrate a birth by using a doll. After some time, he is drenched in sweat. The professor says to him: "Now you must only take a hammer and hit the father on the head, then you have eliminated the whole family!"

7."Doctor! Where are we going?"
"To the morgue!"
"But I am not dead!"
"We aren't there already!"

8.The doctor tells a patient: "I have a good and a bad message for you! The bad message is that you have Alzheimer. The good message is that you won't remember that until tomorrow."

9.A man is trying to prevent a man who is weary of life from jumping down from the top of a skyscraper: "Think about your mother!"
"Why should I?"
"Think about your wife!"
"Why should I?"
"Think about Heidi Klum or Claudia Schiffer!"
"Why should I?"
"Then jump, you idiot!"

10.Doctor: "Let's have this checked in our book: Lilac penis – has to be amputated! Green penis – has to be amputated! Silver-colored penis – does not have to be amputated!"
The patient is relieved at first. Then, the doctor continues: "Drops off automatically!"

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